Looking back on 2012

Reflecting on 2012, I've realized this morning that God is better than I give Him credit for.  I am constantly amazed at how well we are taken care of.  You'd think I'd be used to all the little "God things" that happened through the year, but I never am.  I'm sure I'll forget several things in this post, so if you're reading this and remember something that I forgot, be sure to remind me!!!  Here are some highlights of 2012:

January:  We started the year off at my sister Lynn's house.  We had just left Marc's sister, Karyn's house in Wisconsin and stopped in Tennessee on the way home.  Emma and Addison rode their first horses and Addison got licked in the face by a cow when he tried to feed it loaf bread.  Hilarious.  We had Region Band auditions and I had more kids make the band than the year before, but ironically, only one student was a repeat qualifier.  The kids that made it before didn't, and the kids that hadn't made it before, did.

February:  We received Marc's first monthly disability payment and rejoiced to put 19 months of financial struggle behind us.  We stayed busy almost every weekend.  Both of us traveled to the Marriage Retreat with the church in Pigeon Forge, and the state Music Convention in Charleston.  Charleston is ALWAYS fun and this year was no exception.  I talked with people about 6th grade percussion and tried some new ideas...but none of them worked.  The music was incredible and the food was even better.  While at the marriage retreat we got to see a side of some of our husbands that I could live with never seeing again, but boy was it hilarious!  I love being in a church that doesn't think religion has to be stuffy.   I took the students to Region Band in Lexington and that was a lot of fun.  We took them to eat at a Japanese Steakhouse and David Vickery and Joey Bagwell convinced them to try Wasabi.   While we were unloading the fruit truck this past November, they were still laughing about that dinner.  It was one of those moments that you don't realize at the time, but makes your whole teaching career.  Marc's parents lived with our kids alot so that we were able to take the trips...and they took them back and forth to school, signed agendas and did homework with them, even while they were in the middle of a move to a new house.  Karyn came down to help them move and up the mountain they climbed!  We were so grateful for their help!

In March, the band went to Concert Festival for the first time ever.  We spent most of this month with guest clinicians and after school rehearsals.  The kids played VERY WELL and even though they received and "Excellent" rating, everyone that listened to their recording was genuinely very impressed with their growth.  David Vickery said to me, "I think you did a great job and you should be proud of your students."  Having the validation of your colleagues often means more than the rating from the judges...especially when one judge, during the part that we worked the HARDEST to get right, (And boy did they play it well,) said that she would "like to talk to me about the hangey downy things on my shirt sleeves."  She went on to say that my outfit was a distraction to the band, (even though I wear that outfit to most every concert- so much that the kids tease me about it) and she missed the really great moment in the music.  Ooh well...

April arrived and spring break came with it.  Marc and Emma traveled to Florida to visit family there and Addison and I stayed home.  We visited with my grandfather and played at the park.  I bought Emma a pair of shoes over spring break and when Easter arrived, the shoes were too small.  She was growing and growing and GROWING!  I started the process of seriously looking at surgery for reflux because my singing voice had all but disappeared.

I had the surgery in May and that took up about the whole month.  BEST. SLEEP. EVER!!!  I took most of the last month off of school, but returned the last few days to wrap up the end of the school year.  I learned that Loratab gives me nightmares and had some of the best people take care of me- It was a big adjustment to be taken care OF instead of caring FOR people, so I didn't stay down for long.  The surgery was an easy recovery and I'm happy to say that I've pretty much recovered most of  my voice.  I really hated being out of school, and people thought I was stupid for coming back so soon, but I could not let the end of the school year pass without wrapping up all of the loose ends.  Every band director reading this agrees with me.  :-)

The summer came and we started it with a wonderful trip to Disney World.  I was three weeks post op and really couldn't eat much.  My sugar dropped quickly for awhile after the surgery until my stomach learned to regulate the food it could hold...so there were times on the trip when I had a little demon inside me and the family thought I had turned into the wicked witch...but I couldn't help it...Lol!  We had a GREAT time at Disney.  We visited Hollywood Studios where Marc got to meet some of his favorite Star Wars actors, and we also went to the Magic Kingdom and Epcot.  Emma and all of the girls had an afternoon tea at the Grand Floridian where Emma ate the head off of a cream filled swan and declared to us that she was "not fancy."  The tea was one of the highlights of  the trip for me, but I think Emma would prefer to play in the mud.  Lol!  Nana was right, though, when she said that an afternoon tea is something that "every little girl should be able to do once in their lives."  I LOVED it!  At Epcot, Addison and I got stuck in a terrible thunderstorm and I got turned around in the park and couldn't find my way out.  He was terrified and it was the first time we really saw a LOT of anxiety in him.  On the way home, we visited Marc's granny in her nursing home and again, Addie flipped out.  We tried to take what turned out to be the last pictures we would ever take with granny, but Addison did not feel comfortable in the nursing home with all of the older people and he went into a full meltdown.  Off to the pediatrician we went.

We discussed with the pediatrician that several school teachers had expressed that Addison would need Occupational Therapy to work with his hands because he was left handed and wrote his letters wrong.  He didn't like to cut with scissors, wouldn't cross the mid line on paper, etc...and we discussed the meltdowns on vacation.  He broke my heart when he looked at the doctor and said, "I'm a bad kid.  I ruined my daddy's last trip to see his granny."  The doctor teared up a bit and said, "I have a great friend who helps kids figure out why they feel like they do.  He is a really good doctor.  Would you like to go see him?"  Then she said, "You're not a bad guy.  You're just a little confused about how to handle your feelings."  And all three of us cried just a little.  If you need a pediatrician, I can recommend a great one.

The rest of the summer was spent going to the child psychologist and OT sessions.  Addison made GREAT progress and met all of his goals.  Marc's grandmother passed away, so while he and his sisters traveled to Florida, we were able to have Katelyn over for a few days.  That was good for Emma because I felt like she was sort of getting left out as we had to focus so much attention on Addison.  Emma and Katelyn are more like sisters than cousins and they LOVE spending time together!

Band camp started and Marc decided that he would like to try and work with the band.  I was hesitant because I knew that it would be very hard on his back, but I also knew that it would be a great thing to get him out of the house and give him a goal to work towards.  He ended up becoming my literal right arm during marching season.  In August, school started and Emma went to the Elementary school for the first time.  Addie started first grade.  Both of the kids have incredible teachers this year and both of them are making all A's.  Addison was quickly able to test out of both OT and speech at school, but we still give him little OT activities for him to do without him knowing about it.  Silly putty, Weave a Loom, Mousetrap and Jenga are just a few ways that Santa and others keep him practicing!  His anxiety is much better, though we still see its ugly head occasionally.  Emma was in the marching band show, starring as the narrator of the show.  I never once worried about her forgetting a line, being in the wrong place or messing up in any way.  She was an absolute natural.  Several times the judges said, "I know that I should be watching the band right now, but this little girl is so cute I can't stop watching her."  That was the point, Mr. Judge.  :-)

September and October were a flurry of band contests.  After an initial run of second place, the band never lost another prelim contest.  Each week it was guard, percussion and music trophy after trophy and winning became something we got used to.  The band qualified for State Finals and ended up finishing 7th in the state, a tenth of a point away from 6th.  I was very proud.  Marc spent the month of November in the bed.  :-)

In October, my beloved car Frogger passed away.  I know I talk about that stupid car like it was a person, but jeepers I loved that thing.  I've never been so tied to a "thing," a "possession" as I was that car.  We bought one car that turned out to be a lemon and spent a Saturday in December buying a second car.  I just didn't feel like you should have to have a car towed when you've only made one payment on it.  Luckily, we were able to get into a really great, brand new car that I absolutely love and plan to drive for another 14 or so years.  It's difficult getting financing when you're recovering from the 19 months of Marc not working, but we were able to pull ourselves out of the hole enough for God to come through AGAIN.  

November was spent playing a lot of football on Friday nights and with a great visit from Marc's sister at Thanksgiving.  After a few days in the hospital for what turned out to be the craziest thing ever, a hemorrhagic ovulation, I was able to go black Friday eve shopping with both of my sister in laws and that was a lot of fun.  I spent November and part of December in alot of pain, recovering from the ovarian problem, but I also had two concerts to prepare the band and chorus for.  The chorus decided to do "Christmas with the Phantom" and learned the music from Phantom of the Opera.  It turned out to be a GREAT idea and we may choose to do something like that again next year.  Truly, you can only sing the same arrangement of  "Jingle Bells" so many times before you're ready for something else.  Unless I wanted to blow the budget on all new Christmas music, we were going to have to come up with something new, and Phantom provided the perfect music.  My friend Joyce was able to get the tracks off of iTunes and the concert ended up costing me nothing to perform.  The best concerts are FREE concerts, right???  

December started with parades and concerts and ended with a great visit to my sister Lynn's house.  Funny how the year started and ended there, huh?  Before Facebook, Lynn and I went maybe 10 years without seeing or speaking to each other...but we found each other on FB and now talk quite regularly.  We joke about how sane we ended up in the midst of chaos and are both pretty determined to raise decent families without alot of drama.  Horses provide her sanity the same way that music does for me.  We're so much alike that it's scary...but at least if she is like me, I know she's a keeper!  :-)

January is almost here again and it's going to be much more of the same...I'm going to start with Region auditions, the Convention, Concert Festival and many more of the exact same things I did in 2012.  Maybe this year the band will get that Superior rating that has eluded us...Maybe Marc's back will be better.  Maybe I'll be perfectly content if we just rest in the fact of knowing that whatever happens, God will take care of us.  Here's looking forward to a wonderful, peaceful, 2013!

New Year's Resolutions

New Year's resolutions baffle me.  Seriously.  Baffle.  "This year, I'm going to lose weight."  Or "This year, I'm going to do better with my finances."  Or my favorite- "This year, I'm going to work on ME- I'm going to be better, stronger, happier than I've ever been before."  Give. Me. A . Break.

Seriously- Here I am sitting on my couch thinking, "I am very much overweight.  My family is in debt up to our eyeballs and I am so sad.  I make horrible choices with men because my self esteem is so low that I can't see straight ahead...where there are consequences."  BUT- I'm going to wait until the new year and then I am going to get right on track where I should be.  My question to you is, "WHY WAIT?"  If it happens to be, I don't know...November, and you find yourself in this situation, why not decide then to make a change?  Why do we eat and eat and eat over the holidays and then say, "Come the first of the year, I'm going to do better."  I realize that I'm typing this as a 115 lb skinny person and you're thinking that I am judging the heck out of you.  I'm not.  Each of us has things that we could make a New Year's resolution about.  TRUST me- I have LOTS of things about myself that I work on daily.  I am not a perfect person...But could you imagine if I stood in front of my band and said, "Hey Clarinets, you're playing that note wrong, but let's fix that after Christmas."  No.  If we find a mistake, we fix it immediately.  "This note is horribly out of tune, but let's live with it until after the concert."  Makes no sense, does it?

Check out this text from Mark chapter 1:

 21 And they went into Capernaum, and immediately on the Sabbath he entered the synagogue and was teaching. 22 And they were astonished at his teaching, for he taught them as one who had authority, and not as the scribes. 23 And immediately there was in their synagogue a man with an unclean spirit. And he cried out, 24 "What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are--the Holy One of God." 25 But Jesus rebuked him, saying, "Be silent, and come out of him!" 26 And the unclean spirit, convulsing him and crying out with a loud voice, came out of him. 27 And they were all amazed, so that they questioned among themselves, saying, "What is this? A new teaching with authority! He commands even the unclean spirits, and they obey him." 28 And at once his fame spread everywhere throughout all the surrounding region of Galilee.

Now, I'm not a preacher and I don't know the original Greek, or whatever language this was, but to me, as a layperson with no training reading this, I don't see Jesus waiting.  I don't see Him saying, "Let me finish this sermon and then I'll help you."  Basically, Jesus said to the unclean spirit, "RIGHT NOW, be quiet and leave this man."  And then the demon left IMMEDIATELY.  Maybe I'm wrong, and you preachers forgive me, but I don't see that  demon waiting a few weeks to leave the man's body.  At the risk of sounding like Beth Moore, (And God knows I don't want to sound like her,) I don't think God intends for us to stay in the bad place where we are.  God wants only what is good for us- He doesn't desire insecurity and addictions and all those other things we make resolutions about.  And He doesn't want us to live with those things ONE MINUTE LONGER than we are willing to.

I am not a "wait and see" kind of person and this often bites me in the tail.  (Anyone remember a vehicle I bought a few months ago???)  Most of the time, though, when I see that there is a problem, I tackle it head on and don't stop until it's solved.  Again, I am FAR from having all the answers and I don't pretend to...but my advice, though unsolicited, about New Year's resolutions, is, If you see that there is an area of your life that needs to be improved, don't wait.  Don't wait until the first of the year to settle a disagreement.  Don't wait until the first of the year to treat your body the way that God intends for you to.  Don't wait until the first of the year to make your part of the world a better place.  

You see, 95% of the people who join a gym in January are not still going to the gym in December.  These people annoy the people who DO work out because the gym is flooded every first of the year.  Their machines are taken and they can't get to the equipment in the gym.  We see the new year as a time to start over, a new beginning, a rebirth of commitment...but, if something is important enough for you to do it "At the beginning of the year," and REALLY DO it and STICK WITH IT- then isn't it important enough to do NOW?

Clarinets, let's go ahead and fix that note...And for goodness sake let's tune the band.  Otherwise the concert stinks and everyone dreads sitting through it.  Don't wait.  Do it.  NOW.

Life in Disney Quotes

My family loves Disney- ALOT.  I really don't know anything that Disney doesn't do well- And life lessons are one of the things they teach best.  Who can't agree that Disney lessons make some of the most sense?  Here are some of my favorite quotes from their best characters:

*Here together, friends forever, Some things were just meant to be.  That's you and me- Winnie the Pooh
*If your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme- Jiminy Cricket
*Think of all the joy you'll find, when you leave the world behind and bid your cares goodbye.- Peter Pan
*I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far.  I can't go back to where I used to be.- Jasmine
*Don't think.  And Don't worry.  If the time comes, you'll know what to do.- Mrs. Incredible
*People think I'm odd, so I know how it feels to be different, and I know how lonely that can be.- Belle
*You can get it if you really want it, but you must try, try and try.  You will succeed at last.- Sebastian
*The very things that held you down are gonna lift you up- Timothy Mouse from Dumbo
*The colder the winter, the warmer the spring.  The deeper the sorry, the more our hearts sing.- Bambi
*No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true.- Cinderella
*Remember, you are the one who can fill the world with sunshine.- Snow White
*You'd be surprised what you can live through. - Iago
*Any day spent with you is my favorite day, so today is my new favorite day!- Winnie the Pooh
*You think you can just show up and tell me how to live my life?  You don't even know what I've been through!- Simba
*You're at peace because you know it is okay to be afraid.- Mulan
*You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.- Christopher Robin
*Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind...or forgotten- Lilo

Couponing 101

I know you guys on Facebook are tired of constantly seeing my posts about coupons....so here's another one!  Ha!

I guess if you know me, you know that I tend to have a bit of an obsessive personality.  I don't do things "halfway."  Couponing is one of those things...I don't see the point of saving SOME money when I could save MORE money.  Really, I don't see the point for paying much for groceries at all.  The prices for things have risen so much over the past year or so- Mostly due to fuel costs to transport the goods to the stores...But coupons can give you a great break from those high prices.

Here are a few coupons MYTHS about coupons that are absolutely not true:
* Prices for groceries are high because people use so many coupons and that raises the price for everyone else.
* You will need to spend hours clipping, snipping, organizing, sorting and smelling coupons every single Sunday afternoon.
* I don't have a baby, but I will buy diapers just because I have a coupon.
* If I coupon, I will be a hindrance to everyone in line behind me because coupons take ALOT of time at the register.

First of all, I am a wife and a mom, AND I work about eighty hours a week.  I have better things to do with my small amount of free time than sit and clip coupons.  I'd much rather be breaking up the fight between my kids than cutting small pieces of paper....While none of the myths above are true, there are people who sort of add to the "coupon reputation" by doing it WRONG.  If you're gonna coupon, please do it the right way, so that the rest of us don't look like idiots.  Here are some tips for that.

*Do NOT clip every single, stinkin' coupon out of the Sunday paper.  Keep them all together in the booklet that they come in.  Write the date on the outside of the circular and put in in a tupperware container, accordion file, etc.
* There are two main circulars of coupons- Red Plum and Smart Source, but there are also inserts by Proctor and Gamble, Pepsi, and many others.
*Websites like southernsavers and couponingtodisney will tell you which coupons to pair with your store sales.  For example, if I want to shop at Bilo, I would go to that website and click on "Bilo."  (Duh.) Then, I will see what is on sale.  Let's say that Peter Pan peanut butter is normally $3.30 but this week it is on sale buy one, get one free, making the price $1.65.  The website will tell you, for example, that there is a 55 cent Peter Pan coupon in the Red Plum circular on 11/4. Go find the coupons from November 4th,  (They are in your tupperware container, remember?) and cut the ONE coupon that you need out of it.  (Now, if you happen to have 5-6, 10 copies of that coupon, then cut them all.  Haha!)  You are now getting the $3.30 peanut butter for $1.10- BUT if you happen to shop at Bilo and can double that coupon, you will get the $3.30 jar for 55 cents. Stock up.  :-)  Bilo doubles every coupon up to 60 cents and all of the stores accept printable coupons.  (On the websites, just click the word "printable" and there are your savings!)
*Stack a manufacturer coupon (Red Plum, Smart Source, etc) with a STORE coupon (Dollar General, Walgreens, any competitor in your area) and you can REALLY rack up!  Yes- You can use Dollar General coupons at Bilo...or Walmart...Or Walgreens...Put a competing store coupon WITH a manufacturer coupon and you can REALLY do well.

Now- Here is the MOST important part.  Are you paying attention???  This is the key!

WHEN YOU FIND SOMETHING ON SALE THAT YOU HAVE A COUPON FOR, BUY ENOUGH FOR SIX-EIGHT WEEKS.  ONLY BUY WHAT IS ON SALE.  If something is not on sale, and you MUST have it, only buy enough for ONE week.  Shop every week because new stuff is coming next week and you don't want to miss that sale.  In about six weeks you will have completely stocked your cabinets with more food than you've ever had and will have spent a fraction of the cost.  If you MUST have tea, buy ONE WEEK's worth of tea.  Then in a few weeks, when it goes on sale and you have a coupon, buy alot of it.  Then you should NEVER AGAIN have to buy tea one week at a time- Because you bought enough to last until it goes on sale again.  Make sense?

Today as I was checking out, the lady at the register said, "I just love to see people come in with coupons.  It's fun to watch their bill just drop and drop and drop." And then she looked at my receipt and said, "Wow, you saved...WAY more than 50%!"  Yes, yes I did.  I got Ramen Noodles and crab meat for FREE.  I got collard greens, pinto beans and black eyed peas for 4 cents a can.  I purchased pasta and the store paid me 10 cents to take it out of the store.

I'm not the "Crazy coupon lady, " (though it may appear that I am from all of my FB posts,) but I love saving money for my family.  I don't shop like Honey Boo-Boo's mom and we don't have 17 packages of toilet paper...There are others who save more than me and there are those who teach classes about it better than me...But it works for our family.  If you have questions or would like for me to help you get started, just ask.  I've even gone grocery shopping with people before.  I love helping other people save money!!!!  Why pay full price when you don't have to?

Childhood- the Good AND the Bad

Growing up, life for me was less than stellar.  I'm not one to whine and complain, and I feel like my life is an open book- If you want to know something, just ask, but let's just say that I was one of  "those kids" in school that everyone picked on, I wasn't the richest, in fact, sometimes, not always, but sometimes, we had very little money.  I wasn't the smartest, maybe a C student if I'm being lenient. Heck...I probably wasn't even one of the cleanest kids...and I was in the band.  Pin a target on my chest.  We lived in a trailer.  And raised huntin' dogs.  And drank a lot of beer....Well, not the kids, but you get the idea.  :-)

As an adult, I have the life that I always dreamed of.  I have a beautiful home that is nicer than many and it is full of love and laughter.  I have a great job that I love going to every day and definitely makes all those "band nerd" jokes in school worth it. My friends can be counted on more than one hand (and my grandfather always told me that people who have more than five very close friends are lucky.) I have a wonderful husband who loves me even when I don't deserve it, but most of all, I have two amazing children.  My kids are my whole world.  I get up in the morning and they are my first thought.  I go to bed at night thinking about them.  I dream about them...FOR them...nothing on this earth matters more to me than those two babies sleeping upstairs...

I often think, "Ya know, those two don't know how good they have it."  Do they get picked on in school?  No.  Do their parents argue?  No.  Have they ever seen a bar room brawl?  No.  Do they know what it is like to have a home filled with anger and hate?  No...and God willing, they never will. My kids would be lost as a ball in high grass if they saw some of the things that kids in their own classes live with.  I want my children to NEVER know that there are homes in America like what I know.  I want them to live oblivious to screaming matches.  Have they seen me and their daddy argue?  Yep- but it isn't the "norm" for us.  We aren't perfect people by any stretch of the imagination, but we are trying so hard to shield them from all the bad in the world.  I know that I can't protect them from everything, and I am probably wrong to even try....But I've seen the bad...I've SEEN the evil...and it is some place that I never want my children to go.   I want so badly for them to feel loved and wanted...but more than that, I want them to feel secure- Comfortable in their own skin, because I think more than anything, that was the hardest for me to obtain.  I was a happy, loved adult, long before I was a secure and confident one.  It took me a LONG time to look at someone and tell them that if they didn't like it they could lump it.  It took me a LONG time to realize that I didn't have to act like a whipped dog.  THAT is a feeling I hope they NEVER have.  Those feelings of inadequacy aren't what God wants for us- God doesn't desire a defeated attitude from us.  He doesn't want us to look in the mirror and wish we could do better.  He doesn't want us to cry and feel lonely and unloved. Instead, he wants to instill joy and a longing for peace.  He desires that we look to HIM in worship and praise.  Happiness is based on circumstances.  Joy is based on Jesus.

I am so proud of the person that God has shaped me into.  Boy, howdy, does He still have MUCH work to do...But I think that those of you who knew me 10, 15, 20 years ago would say, "Yeah, we don't EVER want to see you in that place again."  It's something that I want to protect my children from.  I am thankful for the journey, for if I didn't have the story, I would take what I have now for granted...Which is why I say that my kids don't know how good they have it.  Yes, if they don't get their hearts broken, they won't know real love...I've heard the cliches...But I will do everything in my power to make sure that their childhood is good. I am okay with them not knowing how good they have it...because if they didn't have it good, they'd have it bad and that will NOT happen...Not on my watch, anyway.

Some people think that I come across as "holier than thou" or that I live on my high horse, but I really don't.  It's just that it took me so long to conquer so many demons and I am not willing to go even remotely close to that ever again.  I am the exact opposite of the person I was.  I am the product of years of screaming, shouting, loneliness, depression and defeat and what has blossomed out of that is confidence...a strong will....stubbornness...I can finally look in the mirror and say, "Hey. I like you," and I'm not intending on anyone taking that away from me.  As you read this, understand that I am not better than you, I am just better at being ME than I have ever been.  Thank God that He saw fit to raise me up from where I was and bless me with the life that I have now.  I can only pray that it continues to roll as wonderfully as it has...Yes, we've had our difficulties, but they have only made us stronger and more confident that we will ALWAYS be taken care of.  If I have a fear, it is that all of "this,-" my kids, my husband, my life- will be taken away from me somehow.  It often seems like it is too good to be true and that it can't last forever, but for so many people it does.  Could I be that 90 year old lady who passes away peacefully in her bed with her family gathered around her, singing hymns and remembering fondly the life she built?  I hope so...It doesn't seem probable, but I hope so.

This amazing thing happened tonight.  We went to see Christmas lights at a park in Williamston and it was lit up prettier than I've ever seen it.  There was a playground and all of the trees were lit up to allow you to play under a canopy of color.  There were nutcrackers and snowmen, crosses and Santa Claus.  Lights were literally everywhere.  I sat on a swing and started to pump the chain just a little bit.  Before I knew it, I was swinging high up towards the trees and it was as if I was soaring through the colors all around me.  It was as happy and childlike as I've ever felt, actually.  Around me, there were kids squealing everywhere, everyone was laughing and running and playing and I thought, "Thank you God for this child-like night where I can be as young as I want and make a really good memory with my family.  Thank you God, that my children are so unbelievably happy and so far removed from anything that isn't this wonderful...and Thank you God for showing me that this was Your plan all along...

It's late- VERY late and they are all upstairs asleep.  The Christmas tree is lit and it's quiet, except for the hum of the fish tank.  The cat is curled up beside me and the dog is asleep in with my daughter in her bed.  Peace, and on earth, goodwill to men.

Who says sleep is for the birds?

I have had a problem for the past few months that I really haven't shared with many people.  I've lost my mind.  Seriously.  It started last spring right before I had surgery.  I showed up for work and the sub said, "What are you doing here?"  I replied, "I work here...Why are you here?"  She said, "I'm here because you have a doctor's appointment today."  From then on, the teachers on duty in the parking lot gave me some lighthearted ribbing every day when I pulled in to work.  "Are you sure you're supposed to be here today," they would ask...But what started out sort of funny has turned into madness.  I had trouble reading the maps when we went to Disney World and Addison and I got caught in a TERRIBLE storm that scared him to death because I couldn't find my way out of Epcot.  Since school has started this year, things have gotten much worse.  I can't call my students' names as quickly as I'd like.  I pass out blank tests.  (Seriously- I passed out a test that said, "Name the notes on the staff below."  And there were no notes drawn on the test. Geez.)  I confuse letters when I type.  I send emails and post facebook statuses with misspelled words.  I get lost going down the road and can't remember where I am or how to get to where I am going.  Yesterday, a student looked at me and said, "My name isn't Noah."  I honestly don't remember calling him Noah, but apparently I did.  It has become absolutely frustrating and scary.  I thought that I seriously could have a brain tumor or something awful like that.

So...hoping that the problem could be hormonal, I went for my yearly physical and mentioned it to my doctor.  She said that she hates people blaming everything on hormones today and said, that , yes, it could be hormones, but it could also be caused by something simple, like a food allergy.  She suggested I see a Rheumatologist.  So I did.  He did about $1200 worth of blood work and found nothing.  He suggested a sleep study, saying that many people's problems like this are caused by a lack of good sleep, and then he said the scariest sentence I've ever heard.  "This could be the beginnings of MS or early Dementia, so I think you need to see a Neurologist." Being a person of faith, I decided, after my heart started beating again, that I was not going to claim anything terrible like that until it was actually diagnosed.  Next step, sleep study.

I went to the sleep study and it was a miserable failure.  I didn't sleep until about 1:00 am and then they woke me up at 4:30.  I hated all the wires hooked up to me and it TOTALLY creeped me out that people were staring at me while I slept.  I've never been so exhausted in my life.  The next day, my car died and I had to spend the hours in a car dealership instead of resting.  Uugh.  I still don't think I've caught up on my sleep from that night.  It was a miserable experience!

I went to the doctor this past Friday to get the results of the sleep study, though I knew that I didn't sleep well.  This was a new doctor that I'd never seen before.  He told me that yes, the sleep study results were terrible, but that they symptoms I am describing are bigger than just a lack of sleep.  He pushed a red button and the nurse came in.  He said, "Call Dr. so and so's office and let's get this patient some psychological and neurological testing as soon as possible."  Uugh.  Now two doctors have suspected that I could have something terrible.  Not the news you want to get when you have a football game that night and a contest the next day.  He also said that because I wasn't sleeping well he would call me in a sleeping pill.

Skip to Tuesday- I still had not gotten the prescription for the sleeping pill called in to the pharmacy and I still didn't have the referral for the other tests.  Thinking that I didn't like this new doctor, I called my regular doctor to see if he would be willing to read the results of the sleep study.  I was able to see him that afternoon.

When I told him everything that had been going on and how I felt like I was on a merry-go-round being passed from doctor to doctor to doctor, he put the chart down and said, "Do you realize that in the three hours you slept, you woke up 45 times?"  DO WHAT?  I read it for myself.  Yep.  I woke up 45 times in three hours.  My sleep efficiency was 58% and my REM sleep, (that good, restful, dreamy sleep) was only 8%.  Then he said the most reassuring thing I've heard in a long time.  He put my chart down and looked at me and said in the kindest way, "When I am on call at the hospital for 30 hours at a time, I feel grumpy, forgetful and scatterbrained.  I work for ONE NIGHT at a time.  You have been doing that for months.  You don't have anything terrible.  Your brain just never stops."  What a relief.  He wrote me a prescription for a sleeping pill that is designed to put people to sleep fast and prevent waking in the night.  I slept better last night, but I'm sure it will take a few days for me to really feel the full effects of it.

You need to understand as you read this, that what I am summing up in a few paragraphs has been happening EVERY DAY for MONTHS.  I was so SICK of making mistakes- looking at kids on the band field and wanting to tell them to slide over a bit, but not being able to call their names.  If it just happened occasionally, maybe I would have dealt with it better, but this was a daily disaster for me.  I'm not sure that I'm putting in to words exactly how much this bothered me.  In the back of my mind, I maybe feared slightly that the doctors were right, but I tried to not act like they were right because I didn't have a diagnosis of anything awful.  Mainly, I just wanted it to go AWAY.  To hear that it was most likely something simple, like a sleep problem, was music to my ears!

The Bible says in Philippians, "Do not worry about anything, but instead with prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God."  It goes on to say, "Whatever is TRUE, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything praiseworthy, think about these things."   I believe that God takes care of His people and I knew the entire time that He would work this out.  I mentioned it to a few close friends and family, but I told them that "I wasn't going to claim anything terrible until it was actually diagnosed."  It is comforting to know that we don't have to worry about anything...and if we will fill our minds with ONLY what is true, we'll put a lot more life in our days.  So often we think about what COULD be or what MIGHT be and forget about the things that ARE true.  I am going to spend my days really trying to think about the things that I KNOW are right and hopefully, my brain will begin to shut off at night.  Rest is truly good for the soul....and the mind.

What Happened to us today (and last night...and the last few months)

For the last few months, (well, since the spring,) I've been having terrible memory issues.  I look at my students and have trouble calling their names.  I drive down the road and feel lost.  I stand in front of church and forget the words to songs that I've sung for fifteen years.  (Anyone noticed that I haven't been singing lately???)  My doctor sent me to a rheumatologist who thought that the problem could be sleep related.  (He also mentioned some pretty terrible things that it could be, but I'm not going to claim those until they are diagnosed.)

Anyway, last night, I had to go for the sleep study.  In the back of my mind, I was DREADING this.  I HATED the idea of people starring at me while I slept.  I HATED the idea of being hooked with all the wires and tethered while I slept.  Truly, I could have had a panic attack just thinking about it.  So...I backed out of our driveway and the oil light came on in my car.  I pulled back in and saw a terrible sight....A huge puddle of oil under my car.  I drove Marc's car to the sleep study, (Which went horribly, by the way.  Every dread I had came true.  I couldn't STAND the tube in my nose, I hated the wires and it was nearly 3 am before I fell asleep.)

Marc had figured that my car was a simple fix, like an oil sensor or something, so after I didn't sleep, I took the day off to rest.  Then he called me outside and said, "You might want to sit down."  I didn't hear anything else.  I know it sounds terribly stupid and juvenile to be this upset about a car, but this was the ONLY car I have EVER owned as an adult.  I bought it my first year teaching.  I love my car.  I really, REALLY LOVE my car.  To hear that it was a more expensive fix than the car is worth, broke my heart.

With Marc getting his disability a few months ago, we have been rebuilding our credit from the 19 months that we were on one income, but I knew that it was no where near where it needed to be to get a good deal on a new car.  First, we went to a dealership and they were able to offer us financing, but the payment was really high.  I told Marc that didn't have a good peace about the situation and he said, "God has always provided for us, and He isn't going to stop now."  Obviously, we couldn't afford this really high payment, so we drove to another dealership.

When we arrived, I was crying.  (Obsessing over my dead car, obviously.)  This salesman walked up to us and said, "Can I help you?"  "NO," I almost screamed.  "My car died today and my husband is disabled and we can afford a car payment, but our credit is junk, so I doubt there is anything you can do for us."  The man stopped, looked at me and said, "We may not be able to provide you with financing, but I can pray for you."  The line with their financing department was long, so they suggested that we go home and they would call us with an answer.  To me, that was a big NO on the financing, but the salesman said, "Before you leave, could I pray with you?"  Of course we said yes, and he prayed something like, "God, these people have a need.  You said that you would provide our needs.  Now, they may not find a car here, but they need a car TODAY.  Would you please meet their need TODAY and provide them some type of transportation?"

Then we left.  We had not made it home when he called back and said, "I have a 2006 Kia Sorento that we can put you in with a payment that you can handle. Are you interested in coming back to look at it?"  DUH....So we went for a test drive.  In the test drive, we went past the new NewSpring church that is coming to Greenwood.  We made small talk about it and the salesman said, "I knew Perry when he was a youth minister in Anderson."  I said, "At North Anderson Baptist?"  He said, "Yes.  The pastor there, Bill Rigsby was a mentor of mine."  At that point, we were going to buy a car.  You see, Bill Rigsby was my pastor in Anderson and is the person who gave me my first spiritual legs.  He baptized me and was a solid rock for me while I was in college.  Any friend of Pastor Bill's was a friend of mine.

Isn't God great?  I didn't have a peace about it and now I have total peace about it.  I don't like having to put a big down payment towards the car, and I don't know that I am gonna love having a car payment- Mainly, I HATE the idea of losing my car, but I know that God was in the whole process.  You see, my car did not die during the 19 months that Marc was out of a paycheck.  My car did not die in the middle of the month when the down payment would have been harder to come up with.  My car died the day after pay day, which made the down payment available.

Tomorrow morning at 10:00 they will come to my house and tow away my sweet Frogger Car.  She was a great car and I will miss her terribly, but I stand amazed that I will drive my new car to work tomorrow and that ONCE AGAIN our needs have been met.  Nearly TWENTY YEARS ago, God knew what it would take to offer me peace TODAY, so he led me to Pastor Bill's church.  I take refuge in knowing that I will always be taken care of.  God is good.  All the time.

The thrill of the hunt

Who knew "coupon" was a verb?  I was always taught that a verb was an action word to describe something you do.  Well, I do, "Coupon," so I guess it has become an action word!

I began couponing about an year ago when my sister told me how much money I could save on my grocery bill. At the time, my husband had become disabled and we were waiting for his federal disability money to begin.  All we had was my paycheck, along with two children and a mortgage.  I HAD to find every way I could to cut corners, so on a whim, not thinking it would work well, I started doing it.

Now, if you know me, you know that I do not do ANYTHING half way.  I give 1000% to every thing I do...but I did NOT want to be one of those "crazy coupon ladies" and I was NOT interested in extreme couponing.  I set a goal that I would try to save at least 50% on my first shopping trip and anything above that would make me extra happy.  In the beginning, it took me a long time to find the coupons and plan my shopping trip.  I did not like spending SO much time preparing for my grocery trip, but I did like the savings I was seeing...so I created a compromise.  I set my timer for thirty minutes and promised myself that even if I wasn't finished, I wasn't going to spend any more time than that preparing to get groceries...After all, I am a wife and a mother and those people need my time as much as they need me to save money.  It didn't take too long and I was able to easily plan the trip in 30 minutes.  Now I do it in 15.  I had to remember that in the beginning, anything takes practice.  I didn't just pick up instruments and play them...I struggled...I worked...and now I succeed.  It's the sticking with it that's difficult.

Today, on average I save about 60% on my grocery bill, but I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that the thrill of the hunt excites me.  Occasionally, I love to go into a store just to see how much I can save...I smile a lot on those trips because I know that often times the store is PAYING ME to take the item home with me.  (Isn't that nice of them???)  I've always been competitive, so occasionally paying a dollar for twelve items sort of gives me a shot in the arm to stick with it more.  It makes me feel good to know that I saved our family money.  Now, I get upset when I don't take coupons with me and pay full price for things.  I feel like I'm wasting money...And PLEASE don't let a coupon that I might want to use expire!!!!

Marc now has his disability money coming in and we are once again a two income family...but we are still called to be good stewards of our resources.  Just because we are more comfortable now doesn't mean that we can be wasteful...we can share with other family members, donate to shelters or save money for a family vacation.  To whom much is given, much is expected.  A friend told me once (when we had NO extra money) that I wasn't poor...I was broke.  All of us are rich, but some have more money than others.  What a true statement that is...There have been times when I was broke, but I have never been poor.  May we all realize how truly RICH we really are!

Happy Anniversary! Living the Disabled Life

Today is my eleventh anniversary and Marc is really not feeling well.  We have been on a "chronic back pain" roller coaster for about seven years now and that has resulted in six surgeries for Marc and FINALLY a favorable disability judgement from the federal government.  Living with a disabled person is definitely challenging and not for the weak minded or even for those who are weak in their commitment.  Not to brag on myself, but I have often been told by numerous people that many marriages would not have withstood the challenges that Marc and I have faced.  People think that I'm some "great person" for standing by and supporting him when he couldn't work...I think that's sweet for people to say because I definitely have needed the encouragement...but I also think it's total bull.  It doesn't take some great person to mean what you say in your marriage vows.  It doesn't take some great person to fall in love and decide to STAY in love.  By the way, I'm not perfect either.  Marc has stood beside me though some pretty nasty things too...not because he is a "great person," but because commitment means more than "only when things are comfortable."

When we were dating I once asked Marc, "How do I know that you will never leave?  How do I know that I can trust that when you say 'forever' you mean it???"  His response to me was, "You can't."  HUH??  Then he went on to say, "You can never know that I won't lie to you.  I may mean something today and then another day change my mind.  Basically you can't trust me.  BUT- You have to learn to trust YOURSELF.  You have to be confident in your decision that YOU are able to believe that when I say forever, I mean it.  If you can't trust yourself and your decisions, you'll never be able to trust me."  Wow.  That's when I knew that he was the one.  Since that conversation I never back down from my decisions.  My job requires me to make a thousand decisions a day.  I am a mom- TALK about decision making there!!!  I don't always make the right decisions...and when I'm wrong I say I am wrong...But I make each decision with confidence and I lead people boldly because I trust myself now.

Ya know, if I started writing all the things that we have been through in eleven years, your eyes might would pop out of your head...so, without emotion and too many details, here are just a few of the "highlights."

**The first month we were married we were pregnant.  (NOT before the wedding, I promise!)  We lost that baby because I don't produce enough hormones to carry a child the first twelve weeks. We figured out how to fix that and six months later we were pregnant with Emma.
**We moved from Barnwell to Greenwood to a house that looked great but LITERALLY had sewage overflowing in the back yard.  SLUM. LORD. We brought sweet Emma home to this house and woke up one morning without heat.  It was 54 degrees inside the house and she was only four months old.
**We moved to a nicer house that we really liked.  Marc hurt his back for the first time in this house.  He was cleaning out our utility room...He went to bed feeling fine and woke up the next morning and couldn't walk.  Honestly, I don't remember much about our life before he got hurt...It's been a part of our life for so long that it's hard to imagine life without back pain.
**We bought our house and absolutely love it!  We are so proud of the accomplishment of purchasing a home and KEEPING it!  (More about that later.)  We bought our Addison home to this house and were thankful that both children had a room with brand new carpet and fresh paint.  Marc really hurt his back pretty badly right before Addie was born and had spinal fusion surgery three weeks before he was born, (six weeks before he was due...)  I drove myself to the hospital in labor.  Addie was born three weeks early...Have you ever had a three year old along with a post surgical husband immediately after you've had a baby?  Difficult to say the least...I was THRILLED when he could bend over to tie his shoes!
**My grandmother on my mom's side passed away.  Tough times.
**We started looking around for a church after Marc's dad retired from the one where we were attending.  We were actually told by one church that not only could we not become members of the church, we could not ATTEND their church because of a differing belief about Baptism.  Eventually we found Harris and it has been a great place for us.  We feel like we didn't have to make a place for ourselves there...There was already a place for us and we just filled a spot where they needed us.  It's nice to know that people pray for you, encourage you, support you and it helps to feel appreciated in ministry.
**I took a job at Ware Shoals.  Best decision I've ever made.  I loved my old school and I'm not sure I was ready to leave there, but "something" told me to move and it's been a great decision. Addison was a year and a half old when I changed jobs to work twice as many hours...It was a tough call, but I'm glad I did it.
**Marc had several other surgeries and we finally decided that he was not going to be able to work.  He tried to work and not work, but financially we weren't able to make it.  Eventually, we had to just bite the bullet and he stopped working.  My family had a tough time with this because they thought that the man was supposed to support the family and some of them to this day think that Marc is lazy and that he COULD work if he wanted to...Ooh well about that....We had eighteen months of hanging on by a shoestring, but there was a peace about it the entire time.  People helped out- More than I could ever blog about...That will be a post for later, for sure...We almost lost everything we had several times, but God was faithful and He provided every single time.  We never even had to disconnect our cable!!  We learned to live within our means and to appreciate the things we have been given. It wasn't easy- Plus, learning in your early 30's that you are disabled and will never be capable of working again is a tough pill to swallow.  There was definitely an adjustment for both of us.  We argued about stupid things...never really money issues, but silly things like why the tea wasn't poured up or why the laundry wasn't done...Sometimes the small stuff becomes the big stuff, but finally, right at Christmas last year, we received his disability judgement and things have been much better since then!  Both of our attitudes are better since we can breathe a little more...and with better attitudes comes more laundry getting done.  :-)

Since the disability settlement, Marc has found ways to have a quality of life.  He takes great pride in our yard.  (Thankfully, he can use our neighbor's riding lawn mower and this makes it easier for him to work outside.)  He enjoys watching the garden grow and he has a man cave shop out in the back where he can sit and work on model cars and such...and he plays a lot of music.  He's gotten involved in Upstate Winds, a community band where he plays the baritone.  He plays the tuba in our church orchestra and this upcoming marching season he is going to work with the brass players at my school.  He is truly a talented musician and I'm glad that he's in a place now where I can put him to good use!

There are still days when Marc does not get out of bed.  There are days when he is one THOUSAND percent unable to function in the world...It still gets tough managing the house as basically a single mom on days like that...But I've learned that the laundry can wait-  It is more important to raise happy, healthy children than to keep an immaculate house.  It is more important that my husband feel needed and validated than the furniture get dusted or the floors get vacuumed.  It doesn't take "great people" to make a marriage work, but it does take committed people.  Here's to us trying to stay committed to each other and not committed to the loony bin!!!

Why I love Sunday School

So- I started a blog last week over summer vacation when I would have TIME to blog and what do you know but last week was too busy and I didn't have time to write.  Again, WHAT am I thinking by starting this blog?

I was thinking in Sunday School this morning that thoughts like I had during the class were the exact reason I wanted to write- I wanted to be able to put my thoughts on paper...err...computer...at least in written form, so that ideas don't just stay in my head...so that they go somewhere other than just with me...

We have several different people who volunteer to teach Sunday School when our regular teacher is out.  We are blessed with an AWESOME teacher and we are also very blessed to have others to fill in.  No matter who you get, it's always a great lesson with lots of truths to take away and think about throughout the week.  Today was one of the days when the regular teacher was out.  I thought to myself, "If the regular teacher was here, he would ask us what the lesson was about last week...and I don't have a clue."  That's when I looked around the room at people who are all my age and I thought, "I bet very few could remember..." But that doesn't mean that we don't get anything out of the lesson...does it?

You see, our class is made up of loving, caring, friendly, BUSY people- People who juggle two, three, five children at a time, people who work full time jobs and still maintain an orderly house.  Some have newborn and preschool children, some have college aged children, but no matter what they juggle, they do it WELL.  All of the children with parents in my SS class are well behaved and polite.  You can tell their parents spend time with them.  These are people who rarely miss church unless a child is sick or it's vacation time.  They are truly faithful people- Each week we pass a sign up sheet with prayer requests on it.  When Marc was getting ready to have surgery, the list would make its way to us and his name would already be written on it by someone else in the class.  Meals are always provided for people who need them, collections are always taken for charities.  Once a couple had to travel out of town for their child and we took up a collection for their food and gas money.  I walked up to one person in our class and told them that we were going to donate to this family and without blinking an eye, they reached into their wallet and handed me $20. Ooh- And don't get me started on things this class does INSIDE the church- They run VBS, volunteer in the nursery, play in the orchestra, conduct children's musicals, teach Wednesday night classes and some have even come out of our SS class to teach on Sunday mornings.  I've heard that the older population is the backbone and foundation of the church, and while we are blessed to have a church where EVERYONE works and helps, truly, our SS class fills many ministries of the church.

So today I sat and thought about all that we have going on as a class and yet all that we do for each other.  Then I decided, You know...if we didn't get anything out of these lessons there would be no way that we would be the class we are.  These are not just people who sit and listen to a boring lesson and then go home and take nothing from the hour.  These are people who put what they hear into action- Love is an action.  It isn't words...it's DOING what needs to be done.  They think nice thoughts, and then they act on them.  If you're in my SS class and you're reading this, I want you to know that I'm honored to be a part of your prayers, a part of your friendships and mostly, a part of your ministry.

By the way, we have a class fellowship this Saturday and everyone is invited.  If you're reading this and would like directions, just let me know.  We would love to have you!

The first mobile post

Yep!  There's an app for that!  I'm typing this post from my phone.  My guess is that the mobile posts will have far more spelling errors than the ones typed on a computer...I am just too busy to always be at the computer, so the Droid makes my ADD brain so much easier.  There are apps for everything- a tuner and metronome for the band, restaurant finders for when I travel, a google search and a dictionary...and of course thousands of mind numbing games to keep my scattered mind occupied if, God forbid, I have to wait for five minutes at the doctor's office.  There is even a Bible app for church.  (I always enjoy the looks from people who don't understand why I have my phone out in church!  Haha!)  The Droid has streamlined my life...if I need a hotel in Ohio, the phone number is a touch away.  If I want to know what day school starts, there it is.  And of course, there's Angry Birds.  : )  The downside to the Droid is that I am ALWAYS on it.  I stay up late at night playing Words With Friends.  I play Draw Something and Hanging With Friends.  I've even started Tangrams, and I hated doing those in middle school math class.  Ooh well.  If you'll excuse me, I have to go harvest my Sim mushrooms...Seriously...They grow in a lab and if I let them wither I won't move up to the next level....there is truly an app for almost everything!

My new blog!

Feeding Gremlins After Midnight...What am I THINKING???  (Probably that it's summer and I have way too much free time on my hands...)  The title came, of course, from the Gremlins movie that I loved as a kid...even though it scared me to death.  Everything was going just fine until they accidentally fed those cute little cuddly creatures after 12:00 am...and then all "you know what" broke loose!  That's my life in a nutshell...Everything is going fine and then BAM!  Chaos ensues.  I move ninety miles a minute and never stop- My life is SO crazy busy...WAAAY too busy to be starting a blog, but it's always been something I wanted to do- Partly because Lord knows I have the gift of words, but mainly because it's good therapy to sit and relax and MAKE myself reflect for even just a few minutes.  I am going to try and be purposeful in writing often- I'm hoping there is an app for my Droid so that I can blog when some marching band judge ticks me off or when I'm on the bus for hours on end.  We all know if I have to wait until after I'm home in the evenings, it may not happen.  You can read this or not read this...truly, I don't care.  This blog is for me- It's not intended to be a fishbowl.  You may or may not agree with everything I say on here.  Again, I don't care.  I want you to enjoy reading this, but even more, I wanted a place where I could put my thoughts on paper for just a few minutes...It may be the only few minutes of peace and quiet I get in a day, so I intend to take it!  Happy reading!!!