Today is my eleventh anniversary and Marc is really not feeling well. We have been on a "chronic back pain" roller coaster for about seven years now and that has resulted in six surgeries for Marc and FINALLY a favorable disability judgement from the federal government. Living with a disabled person is definitely challenging and not for the weak minded or even for those who are weak in their commitment. Not to brag on myself, but I have often been told by numerous people that many marriages would not have withstood the challenges that Marc and I have faced. People think that I'm some "great person" for standing by and supporting him when he couldn't work...I think that's sweet for people to say because I definitely have needed the encouragement...but I also think it's total bull. It doesn't take some great person to mean what you say in your marriage vows. It doesn't take some great person to fall in love and decide to STAY in love. By the way, I'm not perfect either. Marc has stood beside me though some pretty nasty things too...not because he is a "great person," but because commitment means more than "only when things are comfortable."
When we were dating I once asked Marc, "How do I know that you will never leave? How do I know that I can trust that when you say 'forever' you mean it???" His response to me was, "You can't." HUH?? Then he went on to say, "You can never know that I won't lie to you. I may mean something today and then another day change my mind. Basically you can't trust me. BUT- You have to learn to trust YOURSELF. You have to be confident in your decision that YOU are able to believe that when I say forever, I mean it. If you can't trust yourself and your decisions, you'll never be able to trust me." Wow. That's when I knew that he was the one. Since that conversation I never back down from my decisions. My job requires me to make a thousand decisions a day. I am a mom- TALK about decision making there!!! I don't always make the right decisions...and when I'm wrong I say I am wrong...But I make each decision with confidence and I lead people boldly because I trust myself now.
Ya know, if I started writing all the things that we have been through in eleven years, your eyes might would pop out of your head...so, without emotion and too many details, here are just a few of the "highlights."
**The first month we were married we were pregnant. (NOT before the wedding, I promise!) We lost that baby because I don't produce enough hormones to carry a child the first twelve weeks. We figured out how to fix that and six months later we were pregnant with Emma.
**We moved from Barnwell to Greenwood to a house that looked great but LITERALLY had sewage overflowing in the back yard. SLUM. LORD. We brought sweet Emma home to this house and woke up one morning without heat. It was 54 degrees inside the house and she was only four months old.
**We moved to a nicer house that we really liked. Marc hurt his back for the first time in this house. He was cleaning out our utility room...He went to bed feeling fine and woke up the next morning and couldn't walk. Honestly, I don't remember much about our life before he got hurt...It's been a part of our life for so long that it's hard to imagine life without back pain.
**We bought our house and absolutely love it! We are so proud of the accomplishment of purchasing a home and KEEPING it! (More about that later.) We bought our Addison home to this house and were thankful that both children had a room with brand new carpet and fresh paint. Marc really hurt his back pretty badly right before Addie was born and had spinal fusion surgery three weeks before he was born, (six weeks before he was due...) I drove myself to the hospital in labor. Addie was born three weeks early...Have you ever had a three year old along with a post surgical husband immediately after you've had a baby? Difficult to say the least...I was THRILLED when he could bend over to tie his shoes!
**My grandmother on my mom's side passed away. Tough times.
**We started looking around for a church after Marc's dad retired from the one where we were attending. We were actually told by one church that not only could we not become members of the church, we could not ATTEND their church because of a differing belief about Baptism. Eventually we found Harris and it has been a great place for us. We feel like we didn't have to make a place for ourselves there...There was already a place for us and we just filled a spot where they needed us. It's nice to know that people pray for you, encourage you, support you and it helps to feel appreciated in ministry.
**I took a job at Ware Shoals. Best decision I've ever made. I loved my old school and I'm not sure I was ready to leave there, but "something" told me to move and it's been a great decision. Addison was a year and a half old when I changed jobs to work twice as many hours...It was a tough call, but I'm glad I did it.
**Marc had several other surgeries and we finally decided that he was not going to be able to work. He tried to work and not work, but financially we weren't able to make it. Eventually, we had to just bite the bullet and he stopped working. My family had a tough time with this because they thought that the man was supposed to support the family and some of them to this day think that Marc is lazy and that he COULD work if he wanted to...Ooh well about that....We had eighteen months of hanging on by a shoestring, but there was a peace about it the entire time. People helped out- More than I could ever blog about...That will be a post for later, for sure...We almost lost everything we had several times, but God was faithful and He provided every single time. We never even had to disconnect our cable!! We learned to live within our means and to appreciate the things we have been given. It wasn't easy- Plus, learning in your early 30's that you are disabled and will never be capable of working again is a tough pill to swallow. There was definitely an adjustment for both of us. We argued about stupid things...never really money issues, but silly things like why the tea wasn't poured up or why the laundry wasn't done...Sometimes the small stuff becomes the big stuff, but finally, right at Christmas last year, we received his disability judgement and things have been much better since then! Both of our attitudes are better since we can breathe a little more...and with better attitudes comes more laundry getting done. :-)
Since the disability settlement, Marc has found ways to have a quality of life. He takes great pride in our yard. (Thankfully, he can use our neighbor's riding lawn mower and this makes it easier for him to work outside.) He enjoys watching the garden grow and he has a man cave shop out in the back where he can sit and work on model cars and such...and he plays a lot of music. He's gotten involved in Upstate Winds, a community band where he plays the baritone. He plays the tuba in our church orchestra and this upcoming marching season he is going to work with the brass players at my school. He is truly a talented musician and I'm glad that he's in a place now where I can put him to good use!
There are still days when Marc does not get out of bed. There are days when he is one THOUSAND percent unable to function in the world...It still gets tough managing the house as basically a single mom on days like that...But I've learned that the laundry can wait- It is more important to raise happy, healthy children than to keep an immaculate house. It is more important that my husband feel needed and validated than the furniture get dusted or the floors get vacuumed. It doesn't take "great people" to make a marriage work, but it does take committed people. Here's to us trying to stay committed to each other and not committed to the loony bin!!!
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Why I love Sunday School
So- I started a blog last week over summer vacation when I would have TIME to blog and what do you know but last week was too busy and I didn't have time to write. Again, WHAT am I thinking by starting this blog?
I was thinking in Sunday School this morning that thoughts like I had during the class were the exact reason I wanted to write- I wanted to be able to put my thoughts on paper...err...computer...at least in written form, so that ideas don't just stay in my head...so that they go somewhere other than just with me...
We have several different people who volunteer to teach Sunday School when our regular teacher is out. We are blessed with an AWESOME teacher and we are also very blessed to have others to fill in. No matter who you get, it's always a great lesson with lots of truths to take away and think about throughout the week. Today was one of the days when the regular teacher was out. I thought to myself, "If the regular teacher was here, he would ask us what the lesson was about last week...and I don't have a clue." That's when I looked around the room at people who are all my age and I thought, "I bet very few could remember..." But that doesn't mean that we don't get anything out of the lesson...does it?
You see, our class is made up of loving, caring, friendly, BUSY people- People who juggle two, three, five children at a time, people who work full time jobs and still maintain an orderly house. Some have newborn and preschool children, some have college aged children, but no matter what they juggle, they do it WELL. All of the children with parents in my SS class are well behaved and polite. You can tell their parents spend time with them. These are people who rarely miss church unless a child is sick or it's vacation time. They are truly faithful people- Each week we pass a sign up sheet with prayer requests on it. When Marc was getting ready to have surgery, the list would make its way to us and his name would already be written on it by someone else in the class. Meals are always provided for people who need them, collections are always taken for charities. Once a couple had to travel out of town for their child and we took up a collection for their food and gas money. I walked up to one person in our class and told them that we were going to donate to this family and without blinking an eye, they reached into their wallet and handed me $20. Ooh- And don't get me started on things this class does INSIDE the church- They run VBS, volunteer in the nursery, play in the orchestra, conduct children's musicals, teach Wednesday night classes and some have even come out of our SS class to teach on Sunday mornings. I've heard that the older population is the backbone and foundation of the church, and while we are blessed to have a church where EVERYONE works and helps, truly, our SS class fills many ministries of the church.
So today I sat and thought about all that we have going on as a class and yet all that we do for each other. Then I decided, You know...if we didn't get anything out of these lessons there would be no way that we would be the class we are. These are not just people who sit and listen to a boring lesson and then go home and take nothing from the hour. These are people who put what they hear into action- Love is an action. It isn't words...it's DOING what needs to be done. They think nice thoughts, and then they act on them. If you're in my SS class and you're reading this, I want you to know that I'm honored to be a part of your prayers, a part of your friendships and mostly, a part of your ministry.
By the way, we have a class fellowship this Saturday and everyone is invited. If you're reading this and would like directions, just let me know. We would love to have you!
I was thinking in Sunday School this morning that thoughts like I had during the class were the exact reason I wanted to write- I wanted to be able to put my thoughts on paper...err...computer...at least in written form, so that ideas don't just stay in my head...so that they go somewhere other than just with me...
We have several different people who volunteer to teach Sunday School when our regular teacher is out. We are blessed with an AWESOME teacher and we are also very blessed to have others to fill in. No matter who you get, it's always a great lesson with lots of truths to take away and think about throughout the week. Today was one of the days when the regular teacher was out. I thought to myself, "If the regular teacher was here, he would ask us what the lesson was about last week...and I don't have a clue." That's when I looked around the room at people who are all my age and I thought, "I bet very few could remember..." But that doesn't mean that we don't get anything out of the lesson...does it?
You see, our class is made up of loving, caring, friendly, BUSY people- People who juggle two, three, five children at a time, people who work full time jobs and still maintain an orderly house. Some have newborn and preschool children, some have college aged children, but no matter what they juggle, they do it WELL. All of the children with parents in my SS class are well behaved and polite. You can tell their parents spend time with them. These are people who rarely miss church unless a child is sick or it's vacation time. They are truly faithful people- Each week we pass a sign up sheet with prayer requests on it. When Marc was getting ready to have surgery, the list would make its way to us and his name would already be written on it by someone else in the class. Meals are always provided for people who need them, collections are always taken for charities. Once a couple had to travel out of town for their child and we took up a collection for their food and gas money. I walked up to one person in our class and told them that we were going to donate to this family and without blinking an eye, they reached into their wallet and handed me $20. Ooh- And don't get me started on things this class does INSIDE the church- They run VBS, volunteer in the nursery, play in the orchestra, conduct children's musicals, teach Wednesday night classes and some have even come out of our SS class to teach on Sunday mornings. I've heard that the older population is the backbone and foundation of the church, and while we are blessed to have a church where EVERYONE works and helps, truly, our SS class fills many ministries of the church.
So today I sat and thought about all that we have going on as a class and yet all that we do for each other. Then I decided, You know...if we didn't get anything out of these lessons there would be no way that we would be the class we are. These are not just people who sit and listen to a boring lesson and then go home and take nothing from the hour. These are people who put what they hear into action- Love is an action. It isn't words...it's DOING what needs to be done. They think nice thoughts, and then they act on them. If you're in my SS class and you're reading this, I want you to know that I'm honored to be a part of your prayers, a part of your friendships and mostly, a part of your ministry.
By the way, we have a class fellowship this Saturday and everyone is invited. If you're reading this and would like directions, just let me know. We would love to have you!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
The first mobile post
Yep! There's an app for that! I'm typing this post from my phone. My guess is that the mobile posts will have far more spelling errors than the ones typed on a computer...I am just too busy to always be at the computer, so the Droid makes my ADD brain so much easier. There are apps for everything- a tuner and metronome for the band, restaurant finders for when I travel, a google search and a dictionary...and of course thousands of mind numbing games to keep my scattered mind occupied if, God forbid, I have to wait for five minutes at the doctor's office. There is even a Bible app for church. (I always enjoy the looks from people who don't understand why I have my phone out in church! Haha!) The Droid has streamlined my life...if I need a hotel in Ohio, the phone number is a touch away. If I want to know what day school starts, there it is. And of course, there's Angry Birds. : ) The downside to the Droid is that I am ALWAYS on it. I stay up late at night playing Words With Friends. I play Draw Something and Hanging With Friends. I've even started Tangrams, and I hated doing those in middle school math class. Ooh well. If you'll excuse me, I have to go harvest my Sim mushrooms...Seriously...They grow in a lab and if I let them wither I won't move up to the next level....there is truly an app for almost everything!
My new blog!
Feeding Gremlins After Midnight...What am I THINKING??? (Probably that it's summer and I have way too much free time on my hands...) The title came, of course, from the Gremlins movie that I loved as a kid...even though it scared me to death. Everything was going just fine until they accidentally fed those cute little cuddly creatures after 12:00 am...and then all "you know what" broke loose! That's my life in a nutshell...Everything is going fine and then BAM! Chaos ensues. I move ninety miles a minute and never stop- My life is SO crazy busy...WAAAY too busy to be starting a blog, but it's always been something I wanted to do- Partly because Lord knows I have the gift of words, but mainly because it's good therapy to sit and relax and MAKE myself reflect for even just a few minutes. I am going to try and be purposeful in writing often- I'm hoping there is an app for my Droid so that I can blog when some marching band judge ticks me off or when I'm on the bus for hours on end. We all know if I have to wait until after I'm home in the evenings, it may not happen. You can read this or not read this...truly, I don't care. This blog is for me- It's not intended to be a fishbowl. You may or may not agree with everything I say on here. Again, I don't care. I want you to enjoy reading this, but even more, I wanted a place where I could put my thoughts on paper for just a few minutes...It may be the only few minutes of peace and quiet I get in a day, so I intend to take it! Happy reading!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)